Found
by godessofthelonely888
Summary: Fem!Castiel story! Castiel walking along the roads after the Heavens fell, trying to find a way back to Instead, he finds


Castiel stumbled along the interstate road, the night sky enveloping her. She didn't know exactly where she was, though she felt somewhat familiar with the terrain. Trees engulfed her with their shadows, they themselves reaching for the skies. They would be crying for the lost of the Host, weeping for the fallen. She should be getting closer to civilization by now. She needed a phone. She needed to call Dean. Dean had to know. She had to tell him she was so sorry, that she didn't mean for this to happen. Oh, Sam too, but mainly Dean needed to know, he was her concern.

Castiel tripped over her own foot, crashing down onto the road, skinning her hands as she tried to catch herself. She was so tired, so... hungry. She let out a small whimper, disgusted with herself. She wasn't supposed to feel like this, she wasn't supposed to understand how this felt. It was disgraceful enough around Famine, but this was much worse. So much worse. This was devastating, it left her desolate, befuddled.

After trying to compose herself a bit, she forced herself up. _Keep going, don't stop. You can do this. You're an angel of the Lord, no you were, there is nothing here stopping you other than yourself._ Within moments she was stumbling again, black entering her vision. No. She couldn't pass out. Not yet, not here. Not when she was confident she was getting close.

She fell to her knees, her legs giving up on her. "No..." She whispered coarsely. She couldn't stop yet. It had only been a few days. She would go on. Castiel raised her hands to her head, running her fingers through her hair as she knelt there silently, unmoving. There was so much exhaustion. How did humans cope with this? It was so raw, so unreal.

Castiel saw her shadow thrown in front of her, bright light surrounding it as a car was driving by. Only, it didn't drive by. It slowed then stopped behind her. She didn't want to look. She couldn't. She just needed to move forward, find a phone, call Dean and Sam, then she could-

The car door opened the slammed closed, "Cas!" Castiel's head whipped around and as soon as she saw Dean her eyes began to water, why was she crying? She tried to get up and fumbled, and Dean was by her side in an instant. "I didn't think we'd find you!" Dean said, pulling her close to him. "Shit, you're freezing!" The door to the Impala opened and Sam came out, holding a blanket. He walked up to the two and Dean and he both helped Castiel up, covering her with a blanket. "D-Dean, I was going to call. I was going to find a phone and call. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for this! Metatron, he-"

Dean smiled sadly at her, "It's okay, we know, Cas. Come on, we'll get you into the Impala then stop at a diner, get you warmth and food, then we'll get a hotel for the night before we can go back home." Castiel shook her head, "I can't be with you. I messed up again, I'm human." She said, her voice wavering as her tears began to fall from her eyes. "I'm useless now. I hunger, I feel so much more pain, I'm cold. I'm exactly what you said I am without my powers." Dean put his hand on his shoulder, "Cas, you're not useless just because you don't have your powers."

Castiel bit her lip, "You told me I was a babe without my powers." Sam looked at Dean as if to say that he did, and Dean glared at him before turning back to Castiel. "You're coming home, Cas. You're family." Castiel was about to protest but Sam spoke up, "He's right, you know. And yeah you may be human right now, but we can help you. We'll get you back on your feet." He said with a half smile. Castiel looked between the two of them, "My being human doesn't change anything?" She asked with a small voice. When did she get so quiet? Dean nodded, "Come on." He put his arm around her shoulders, leading her back to the Impala.

For once, Castiel got the front seat. She looked back to see Sam, arms crossed, keeping an eye on the fourth passenger. Crowley was with them. She didn't need to ask, didn't want to know. Not yet. She was perfectly content being curled up, the heat blasting at her from the little vents in the car. She let her eyes close as she listened to Dean's music play, lulling her to sleep because she was so accustomed to it. Sleep. It seemed terrifying. She hadn't slept the whole time since she's been human. She had to keep going then. Slowly she turned to Dean, "Dean?"

Dean glanced over, "Yeah, Cas?" Castiel fidgeted with the blanket around her. "I'm scared to fall asleep." She whispered, so only he would hear. Dean looked at her, offering a small smile. "Don't worry, it's pretty nice for the most part. But if it'll make ya feel better, I'll watch over you, alright?" Castiel gave a small nod, immediately feeling a bit better. Dean would be there, like he always was. Well, typically, she silently mused.

Closing her eyes once more, she breathed out a small sigh of relief. She was home, and that was all that matters. She was with Dean. Slowly everything faded, leaving her alone to her own mind as she slept.

_"DEAN!" Castiel screamed as he fell to the ground, gunshot wound to the chest. She tried to move closer to him, but something was holding her back, though she could not tell what. "Dean!" She cried out, sobbing as she was unable to do anything. Zachariah looked at her, smirking. "This is what you deserve, Castiel. This is what happen when you try to do what you believe is the right thing." Zachariah laugh, then slowly everything faded away._

_ Castiel stood, looking down at Gabriel's dead body, the proof of his wings evident on the ground. "Gabriel..." She choked out, looking at his lifeless body. His eyes shot open and he looked at her, "I died for you all. I died, Castiel. And here you are, worthless and hopeless. Look behind you. Look at your torn wings." Castiel did as he said, and when she saw her bloody and battered wings she began to sob uncontrollably. She turned to look at Gabriel, to tell him she was sorry, but he had vanished. She felt a terrible aching pain in her chest, and she screamed. She wanted away from this, this couldn't be real. This total darkness looming over her, swallowing her whole. She began to suffocate, and tried to fight for her freedom. Soon she heard a voice, everything began to shake-!_

Castiel gasped as she violently sat up, Dean's hand on her shoulder. "Cas, it's okay. None of it was real." He murmured. Castiel's eyes were wet, and she slowly looked at Dean, her fear showing clearly. She glanced back to find Sam and Crowley asleep, and she looked back to Dean. "D-Dean. You're alive..." She breathed out, sniffing. Dean had pulled over to the side of the road though they were almost into the town, and he looked at her. "Come here." He said, patting the seat beside him. Castiel scooted over quickly, and Dean wrapped his arms around her. "It's alright, Cas. I've got you, you're safe." Castiel shook her head, "It is not me I was most worried about." She said softly, burying her face into his shoulder. "You were killed, and I saw Gabe." She said, her lithe body trembling. Dean hushed her, rubbing her back. He let her cry it out, and let himself comfort her.

When the tears had finally stopped flowing down her face, Castiel pulled back a bit. "I do not like sleeping, Dean." Dean let out a small chuckle, "It kinda sucks that you're first experience was a nightmare. It's nice when you actually sleep well, have good dreams." He said, offering a small smile. "We'll be in town in about ten or fifteen minutes. We'll head to a diner and get you some food, alright?" Castiel nodded, "It would be appreciated. My stomach had been rumbling quite a bit, though it has subsided for now." Dean nodded, and after giving her one last smile turned his attention back to his baby, getting her on the road again.

The two remained silent, and all that was heard was Dean's music, which was AC/DC at the moment, and Sam's soft snores from the back. As they drove, Castiel stare out the window. How many of her Brethren were out there, alone, staved, scared? Angry, most likely, along with confused. She could only pray that they would be alright, and that they could find somewhere to go. Castiel was not sure if the spell that made them fall was exactly like the one used on Lucifer, where he retained himself, or if it would be like Anna, where they would grow up as children, unknowing.

Sighing, she turned to Dean, watching him as she always had when she did not wish to think about Heavenly matters. He drummed his fingers along the steering wheel, head lightly bobbing to the music as he drove. She could hear him humming very slightly to the sound, occasionally singing a word or two off tune under his breath. She smiled a bit and pulled the blanket up higher. Dean glanced over and caught her staring at him, and he raised a brow as if asking what, but she only shook her head and he looked back to the road. Castiel liked his profile, he was very handsome from the side. The more she looked at him, the more she felt herself feel funny. What was going on? She felt the blood rushing to her cheeks – which was weird and new, how did humans put up with it? - and she glanced away, unsure why her heart was beating faster and why her body felt warm and tingly all over.

As they pulled into the parking lot for the Diner in the town – she should have paid attention to where they were, really – she noted it was right by a little motel, which was good. She was still very drowsy, and after eating would like to try again at this sleeping thing. Dean looked back to the two in the back who were completely passed out, and he looked at her. "They ate not too long ago. I know you didn't have any food though. So come on, just you and me, Cas." He said, getting out of the car. Castiel slowly followed, bringing the blanket with her. Dean chuckled a bit and opened the door for her, and they moved quickly to the back corner, sitting down. Dean handed her a menu then opened one up for himself, browsing through the items.

"I know I do not like the coffee that you and Sam sometimes drink, but I would like something hot and good to drink." She said, looking at him with the lost puppy eyes she often had. Dean looked up from the menu, "Hot chocolate." Castiel frowned, "How would hot chocolate be a drink? Wouldn't it be melted?" Dean laughed, making Castiel pout. "Hot chocolate isn't literally hot chocolate, Cas. Trust me, you'd like it."

Castiel hesitantly nodded, and continued to look at the menu Dean had handed her. Where was it... there. Burgers. She licked her lower lip as she looked through all of the different ones, though the Western Burger sounded the best. After just a few moments a waitress was at their table, "Hello, guys. My name is Anna-Marie, what can I get for you?" She asked, looking at Castiel first.

"I would be very appreciative if you would get me a Western Burger as well as a hot chocolate." She said, looking over at Dean as if to see if she ordered right. Dean nodded to her then offered the waitress a small smile, "I'd like the same except coffee instead, please." The waitress jotted it all down, and nodded. "Anything else?" Dean looked over to the case showing off some of their desserts that they had, "Two apple pie slices, that's all." Anna-Marie nodded and walked away to place their orders and to get their drinks.

Castiel's attention was stolen away by the little half and half containers in a bowl and she began to stack them like a pyramid and other shapes, and Dean watched with a slight smile on his face. "Having fun?" Castiel nodded, "Yes. They're quite entertaining." She answered, concentrating as she stacked them up tall while putting one on only half of the previous container. Finally she knocked them down, and returned them to their proper spot.

"How did you find me?" She asked, looking at Dean. "I could have been anywhere, yet you found me." Dean looked at her, "Well, we kinda figured you'd stick in towns and around the highway, not in land, really. So, we drove. Been driving, not stopping these past few days. It was luck, really. I was uh... worried we wouldn't find you." Castiel looked at Dean with a small smile, "I am glad you did." She replied.

Dean was about to ask Castiel something but then the food arrived and drinks arrived, hot an juicy looking. They gave the waitress their thanks and Castiel picked up the burger, taking a really big bite to the point she almost had trouble chewing. Once she finally swallowed it she took another smaller bite, practically moaning. "This tastes so good." She exclaimed, chewing then swallowing once more. Dean took a bite of his own and nodded in approval, "Yeah, good." He said around his food, then taking a drink of his coffee to wash it down. His brows burrowed a bit as he watched Castiel begin to take bite after bite, "Slow down. If you eat too fast you can get sick."

Castiel frowned, but slowed down like Dean had told her to, not wanting to get sick or not listen to him. She set down the half of the remaining burger and picked up her cup, curiously studying it. Finally she took a sip, and she looked at Dean with a slight awe and surprise. "It's amazing." Dean nodded, "Told ya you'd like it, Cas." He answered, eating more of his burger. "Bet you'd like mocha's and crap, too." He said, elbows resting on the table as he ate.

Castiel nodded though she wasn't sure what that was, and she sipped more at her hot chocolate before putting it down, intent on finishing her burger. It was better tasting than the ones she had eaten when she was around Famine. Soon both of them had finished the burgers and were working on the french fries that came with it when the waitress walked over. "You two doing alright?" Dean nodded, "Yeah. Food's great and everything." He gave her one of his better fake smiles, "Think you can bring out the pie?" He asked with a wink. The waitress' demeanor changed for a second before she nodded, "Of course, just one moment." She said, going back to the kitchen to get their two slices.

As Castiel ate a few fries smothered in ketchup, she looked at the waitress then back to Dean, frowning as she pondered a bit. "You smile so differently to other people than you do around myself or Sam. It does not seem real." Nodding, Dean half shrugged. "They're not family or anything, while you and Sammy are. I'm not gonna bother with them, not really." Castiel gave a slow nod, not quite understanding though she felt that she did at the same time. That was a bit paradoxical but oh well.

Castiel had just finished her french fries when the pie was brought out, and the waitress smiled at them. "Would you guys like refills on your drinks?" Dean nodded, as well as Castiel. "Alright, just one moment!" She chirped, heading back to get them new drinks. Castiel watched as Dean picked up his fork and eating his pie, and he looked at her with a raised brow, "You're not eating yours?" She shook her head, "I will. I'm just curious why you like them so much more than everything else." Dean shrugged, "My mom made them all the time when I was little. Crust was flaky and golden, but would melt in your mouth as soon as it touched your tongue. None of these will ever be as good as hers, but I still enjoy them." He answered honestly, and Castiel smiled a bit. "You must miss her."

Dean looked down and took another bite, avoiding the subject and answering that. He didn't want to talk about it. He hardly talked to Sammy about it, even. Castiel glanced down at her pie and she played with her fork before she took her first bite, eyes closed as she savored the flavor in her mouth. This was delicious. She could tell she was getting full, though she was intent on finishing this.

When she opened her eyes their drink refills were on the table, and she took a sip, before quickly finishing her pie and retreating to the cocoon of her blanket, intent on keeping all of this warmth. It was so cozy and warm, she didn't want to get up. That would mean they had to walk back out into the cold before they reached the Impala. Dean finished his piece and leaned back against the booth, stretching a bit. "Ready to go wake the others up? We'll get a motel room and then go to bed." He said, a small smile on his face.

Castiel shook her head no, "It's cold out there and I'd rather stay here." Dean chuckled, "You've got that blanket, you'll be fine. Come on." He said, standing up. Reluctantly Castiel followed suit, and Dean paid at the register. The two walked out into the brisk cold, filled bellies and warm. Castiel waited as Dean woke up the two in the back, and slowly they all filtered over and into the motel, eventually getting a room to accommodate all of them. Castiel would sleep with Dean so Sammy could make sure Crowley didn't pull anything, even though the did have some supernatural things on him that should make sure he couldn't.

Castiel got onto her side and crawled under the covers with her blanket still on, and she didn't even have the chance to keep her eyes open before everything went dark again, practically passing out from exhaustion...

Castiel vaguely felt her shoulder being shaken, and she tried to move away from it, though the only resulted her falling to the floor in a tangle of blankets, in which she couldn't get out, fighting to reach the surface. Dean laughed a bit before he helped her out, and she gave him a small glare. "Do not laugh, Winchester." She said, huffing, which only made Dean laugh more.

"Sam and Crowley went on a coffee and doughnut run. They'll be getting back soon." He tossed her a towel and she caught it. "There's stuff for you in the shower, go get cleaned up." He said, gesturing to the bathroom door. "You're starting to smell." Castiel frowned. Was she? "Thank you." She said, heading into the bathroom. She looked at the shower and frowned. This one had only one thing on it instead of two knobs, and was unsure how to proceed. "Dean, this one is different!" She called back into the room, and he walked in. "I'll turn it on for you..." He said, adjusting it. "There." He said, pulling out before the water could hit him. "Fresh clothes are on the sink. They'll be a bit big for you, but the sweat pants have a draw string, so you can tighten them up some."

Dean left the bathroom, allowing Castiel to undress, her clothes sliding off her body onto the floor, leaving her with a slight chill until she walked into the shower under the misty spray. She closed her eyes and tilted her face up, allowing the water to fall onto her. After a moment she turned and wiped the water off of her face, and reached for the shampoo, beginning to wash her hair. Oh. That felt good! She sighed, body slowly loosing the tension that had built up the past few days from being in the cold and walking for so long. While washing off, she tried to remember her dream. Had she dreamt? What was it she might have dreamt about?

She quickly conditioned her hair then rinsed that out before she grabbed the body wash and began to scrub, washing off all the dirt that stuck on her and anything else. She rinsed off the film of soap then stood under the water, simply letting it fall once her once more.

She wasn't sure how long it was, but then there was a knock on the door. "Are you alright in there, Cas? Been in there for awhile." Dean's voice came through the door, sounding slightly worried. She must have been awhile. "Yes. I was just enjoying the water." She answered, turning it off. "Alright, just wondering. Sammy's back with food when you get out." He mumbled, walking away.

Castiel slipped out, grabbing the towel and drying herself off before she looked at the pile of clothes. She slipped the t-shirt on first which hung all the way down to her mid thighs. It must have been Dean's shirt, or else it would have been lower, she thought. Though the pants were definitely Sam's. She didn't even think Dean owned any sweats. She pulled them on, tightening the draw strings the best she could, tying them in a nice bow. She looked in the mirror, looking at her pale face with flushed cheeks from the hot water, and her black tangles cascading down her back.

She grabbed the hair brush and began at the bottom of her hair, like she remembered Jamie doing from the memories she had seen from her life before she had died, allowing Castiel to continuing using her body so that her daughter would be left alone. It took her several minutes to brush it out, and when she was done she opened the bathroom door to see all three boys sitting at the small table in the room, discussing something, though she couldn't make out what they had been saying.

"Hey Cas. How are you feeling?" Same asked with a small smile. Castiel gave a small smile back, "Much better now, thank you." She answered, sitting down in the only spot left. She reached into the open box and pulled out what Sam and Dean had told her was a tiger tail, and she slowly began to eat it. "Did you get any milk?" Sam shook his head, "No. Just coffee, sorry. Is that what you would like for me to get for you to drink from now on or something?" I saw some of her memories. She used to dip her doughnuts into the milk. I would like to try it sometime." Dean made a small face, "Ew." Sam rolled his eyes, "It's not that bad. My friends and I did that back at college."

Crowley remained silent, watching the three. He looked over to Castiel and they locked eyes, conveying words to each other that Sam and Dean would most likely never be able to understand. Crowley gave a slight nod, and Castiel did so in return. "Thank you." Castiel said quietly. "It's the least, Castiel." Dean and Sam looked between the two, a bit befuddled, but both shrugged it off.

"So today we'll drive back to home, and then we'll start talking about...well, some sort of game plan, really." Castiel looked at Dean, "I do not believe there is anything that we can do, Dean. Even though the gates of Heaven have not been closed, there are no angels with any grace left other than Metatron. Everyone has fallen."

Crowley's brow drew close as he thought for a moment, "What about Lucifer's cage? Could we get Michael or Lucifer themselves out?" Castiel snapped her head towards him, "No!" She exclaimed quickly. "If we let one out we let out both. It cannot happen. There would be no one to stop them from having their fight over the world." She said quetly. Crowley crossed his arms, "I'm still the King of Hell. If no angels are watching over the cage, I could most likely get one out." "It's mot worth it, Crowley. Just stop thinking about it. It's far too dangerous. We cannot trust Lucifer, and Michael would surely slay us."

"Well, let's not discuss this right now. Wait till we get home, where we have practically unlimited information and such. That way maybe we can plan something." Sam suggested, leaning back in his chair. Dean nodded in agreement, "Sounds like a plan to me."

Castiel slowly nodded, and Crowley sighed. "We should get going soon then. We need to do something about this. Metatron is in the perfect position to do anything he wants, really." Castiel bit her lip and nodded, "Yes. Though I do not think he wants to do much else, I honestly don't know. He may feel like taking things a step farther." Sam frowned, "Okay. Let's pack everything up and hit the road, right?" "Right." Dean conceded...

With everything packed, Dean and Castiel were already out in the Impala while Sam redid some of the marks on Crowley in the motel. "So Cas, sleep better?" Dean asked, glancing over at her in the passenger seat. Nodding, Castiel turned towards him, "Yes. Though I do not remember quite what it is I dreamed." She answered, drawing her legs up to her chin. Dean made a noncommittal hum, and he leaned towards her. "Cas?"

"Yes Dean?" With a unsteady exhale, Dean leaned forward, kissing Castiel on the lips, just a small kiss. Castiel's eyes widened, and she looked at him. "Dean?" "Yeah, Cas?" He asked, waiting for what it was she would say. Instead of saying anything yet, she simply leaned forward, kissing him back.

"I do as well."


End file.
